I play games. I’ve been a gamer for as long as I can remember. It started with MS-Dos games. I admired the big boxes they came in at the store. Who can not fall in love the intricate Doom logo or the Gerald Brom artwork for Doom 2, who lives in Savannah by the way. There were many games I couldn’t play as a youth as I was not yet deemed “Mature.” Resident Evil 2 was a memory of that. Having convinced my mom that I wouldn’t touch it until it turned eighteen, it ended up in the drawer of my dad’s work desk. I don’t know how, but I chipped away on him until he eventually let me open it to play, “just one disc.” We played Myst together in the early days, a strange game that felt massive and like it was from another world. Even with a guide I struggled to understand what was going on or how to go about doing it. I played the demonstration for a game called Strife at least a hundred times. I knew the levels and the dialogue inside and out. It was the first shooter that had role playing elements. Before I got bored of it I learned you can kill the resistance leader and all of his compatriots in a liberating display of “I make my own rules.” In Runescape I ignored quests and combat to focus on a the singular activity of fishing and catching lobster to sell at the market. My character was kitted, but I never used any it. It never ceased to be amusing to ask other players, “how much for your legs” or “will you come fly with me,” in Second Life. One of the few times I got knocked out as a youth was when I wanted to scope out the Diablo 2 box for one more indefinitely numerous time. It would unfold into a glorious spread of boundless, curious adventure. They placed it on the highest shelf in the Gamestop. I asked my brother to reach it for me if I gave him a boost. With his legs swinging and the exertion, he kicked my balls and down I went. The next thing I knew people were standing over me asking if I was alright, I went white hot with embarrassment. I asked him not to tell our mom, but he didn’t listen. The Mormons we played with as a kid also had a computer and they let me Duke Nukem, which ran very much like Doom but had a sleaze element. You could tip strippers and piss in urinals. When we hooked the computers up to play LAN style I would beat them, my older brother and his friend, never relinquishing my spot to these cool dudes ten years my elder. I pulled maneuvers in Need For Speed they didn’t even think you could do. Don’t even get me started talking about Road Rash 3D. One Easter my mom got us a Super Nintendo and put it in a basket. My brother came home from his first job with a Playstation. When everybody wanted an Xbox my mom told us to help with the groceries and lo and behold when we opened the trunk, the present that would have made anyone freak. I was the envy of the neighborhood with my setups. We had the light guns so we could play Time Crises at home, the dance pads for DDR and I was the only friend with a Rock Band kit. Playing Halo for the first time at a demo kiosk in the mall was a special moment. I had no idea games could be so richly detailed and the action so cinematic. I had known about Halo for a long time. One of my favorite games growing up with was Myth and Myth II: Soulblighter. An RTS focused on action and violence, rather than building and movement. You could use dwarves to throw explosives that would make the enemy explode into a million pieces. Every bit leaving behind a trail of blood. I made one of the units in an art class but it didn’t survive the kiln. On the Myth disk was a trailer for a game called Halo, which looked like Myth in space and was bound to be an RTS before it became the genre defining first person shooter it did. I bought a PS3 with my ex in the car in a library parking lot. One Thanksgiving, as an odd flex in front of her parents, I bought a PS4 Pro on Black Friday. I’ve always had a lot of fun with these machines. Despite all that, when I get dumped my reaction is to recoil, to blame my gaming for the way things turned out. The longest stretch I went was just after Cyberpunk came out. I wanted to play so bad, but could not. This is how the story went with Bloodborne and Elden Ring too.
In college I borrowed Dark Souls and had never played anything like it. It’s world was so impressive to me that I got obsessed with it until the other gamer asked for it back. It stood in my mind as this benchmark moment in games for me, a la Halo. A game doesn’t have to hold your hand and can be obtuse and mysterious and difficult. I like the games now and often can’t decide what to play. Kingdom Come was a game that immediately hooked me at the first release of screenshots. A medieval peasant simulator with ultra realistic setting and combat!? The developer was some kind of mildly right wing nut job and no one else was excited about it on my little web forum because of that. I could sing its praises as much as I wanted but no one would listen. The sequel is out now and I can’t stop enjoying every moment of it. It’s a fully realized world brimming with interesting things to do. Fortnite, developed by the same company that made a childhood favorite called Unreal Tournament, also has a goofy little place in my heart. Though I’m not as into it as most, I find it enjoyable and relaxing and it has led to some cherished bonding moments with my roommate and coworkers. The accessibility on that game is unmatched, I can play on my souped up OLED rig with my friend on a Switch. How’d they accomplish such a feat? Call of Duty is a blast as well, even though it is full of sweats. I discovered casual mode today and find it enjoyable, even though my opponents can’t say the same. I have a knack for first person shooters, my preferred genre. Storming the beaches of Normandy with my closest friends. As nerdy as it all is, it’s a nice way to stay in touch with my old friends, even if it just a cursory “how are you” at first, a lot gets revealed about the day to day inner workings of another persons life without them even realizing it. I can hear my college cronies’ children in the background before they get put to sleep so we can keep gaming. I remember the days of PUBG and the bonding we did playing this weird janky little free game. Bonding with someone I thought I’d never bond with, my exes ex. I remember playing Fusion Frenzy with my neighbors. The kid across the country I’d play Chromehounds with. The fear that came from playing Condemned: Criminal Origins in the dark. The wacky sequel where you get magic powers in the second act was even enjoyable, the multiplayer especially.
I was playing games when my life changed forever. It was just another typical weekend at Greg’s when we got the call that my dad had a stroke and I was to stay another night. I was playing Vice City and didn’t know what a stroke was. I didn’t understand the severity and when I went to finally see him my nose started to bleed and the doctor told me to sit in the hallway. I couldn’t stop crying. Before that happened, we had all gone to the Grand Canyon, my mom was on the board of directors. I had cajoled Greg into letting my borrow the PS2 on the off chance that there was a TV in the room, there wasn’t, not that my mom would let me play anyway. I had friendships that were held together by these games. I wanted to skip breakfast with my neighbors family so I could play Max Payne. There isn’t as much wonder in the gaming market these days, just as the same has disappeared with the video rental store, I still know where one is though. Games look the same and play it safe, while trying to be as transparently addictive or cash grabbing as possible. Yet, it’s an exciting time to be a gamer, as the ones that are good keep getting better and more realistic. Death Stranding 2 looks like it could be really interesting. Even the new Assassin’s Creed looks worth a play through. Had I not gotten a parking ticket I would have probably already popped on it.
Streaming is something relatively new to my gaming practice. I explained to an ex of mine that I couldn’t decide if I wanted to get a streaming camera or a drum machine and she decided that I should get the camera. We came across a Best Buy later that night by chance. I felt it was God’s hand that drove the wheel there. I don’t have much of an audience right now, but the way I think of it, if a single person gets something out of it that’s enough for me, even if that single person is myself. I have probably said some out of pocket shit I shouldn’t have said on it and now it’s just up waiting to be discovered. I shared a lot of my life on it and basically use it to check in almost daily. I used to try to have a theme or dole out some half baked advice. Recently, I thought I was going to give it up, to focus on other parts of life better, but without it something feels missing. Wouldn’t it be hilarious if it gained any amount of traction? If things started to happen because of it that I couldn’t imagine? I’m going to stream later tonight, it’ll be a long relaxing one in Kingdom Come. Won’t you join me? Like, comment, subscribe Lommy Vision on youtube. Everyone keeps telling me to expand to TikTok and Twitch with something called an OBS but that seems like a lot of work. I just do it for the fun of it all.
A core memory with my dad, is when I prattled on and on about what was going on in Baldur’s Gate 2 on a walk in the forest. He was the only person that let me do that, talk his ear off about whatever. I used to get in trouble at school for talking so much.